hotdoggravy
Full Member
Hi, Im Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackas$
Posts: 213
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Jokes
Feb 24, 2006 23:19:34 GMT -5
Post by hotdoggravy on Feb 24, 2006 23:19:34 GMT -5
A 90-year old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better... I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think of that?"
The doctor replied, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day he was in a hurry and picked up his umbrella by mistake.
When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver. He raised his umbrella and went "bang, bang, bang", and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year old said, "I'd say somebody else shot the beaver."
The doctor said, "My point exactly." ;D
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Jokes
Feb 24, 2006 23:24:36 GMT -5
Post by nezumi on Feb 24, 2006 23:24:36 GMT -5
Hmmmmm....
A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Malta, Montana. He sits at the couter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?" The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and is his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead." Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the botton and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly says, "Yup, that's as far as I got, too."
;D
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Jokes
Feb 25, 2006 7:30:34 GMT -5
Post by "The Freq" on Feb 25, 2006 7:30:34 GMT -5
YUCK!
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hotdoggravy
Full Member
Hi, Im Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackas$
Posts: 213
|
Jokes
Feb 25, 2006 9:11:43 GMT -5
Post by hotdoggravy on Feb 25, 2006 9:11:43 GMT -5
Hmmmmm.... A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Malta, Montana. He sits at the couter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?" The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and is his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead." Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts sthingying it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the botton and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly says, "Yup, that's as far as I got, too." ;D ;D
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hotdoggravy
Full Member
Hi, Im Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackas$
Posts: 213
|
Jokes
Feb 26, 2006 13:20:55 GMT -5
Post by hotdoggravy on Feb 26, 2006 13:20:55 GMT -5
This guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down.
"So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
The owner replies, "Because he's a f.u.c.k.i.n.g liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."
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Jokes
Feb 27, 2006 18:32:56 GMT -5
Post by nezumi on Feb 27, 2006 18:32:56 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA[/glow]
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Jokes
Feb 27, 2006 18:52:47 GMT -5
Post by mystixjuel on Feb 27, 2006 18:52:47 GMT -5
The Value of Undies:
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle.
From the NORTHWEST FLORIDA DAILY NEWS comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaring public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
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hotdoggravy
Full Member
Hi, Im Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackas$
Posts: 213
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Jokes
Mar 2, 2006 18:55:17 GMT -5
Post by hotdoggravy on Mar 2, 2006 18:55:17 GMT -5
;D
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Jokes
Apr 4, 2006 9:16:24 GMT -5
Post by mystixjuel on Apr 4, 2006 9:16:24 GMT -5
> >$500 for sex > > > > > > A woman was walking down the street when she was > > approached by a man. The man said, " I want to have SEX with you > > right now! > > I'll drop 500 dollars on the ground at your feet and in the time it > > takes for > > you to pick it up I will screw you from behind and be on my way!" >> The > > > > woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called > > her > > girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man's > > proposition. Her > > girlfriend said " When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you > > can pick it > > up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me > > what > > happened. > > " An hour and A half later the lady called her girlfriend back. > > "What happened?" the girlfriend asked. > > The lady said " That Son-Of-A-b*tch had $500 in quarters!
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Apr 4, 2006 18:41:03 GMT -5
Post by "The Freq" on Apr 4, 2006 18:41:03 GMT -5
That's funny!! ;D
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